


Pulse 4

by coldfusion9797



Series: Pulse [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Dean Winchester, Boys In Love, Extended Scene, First Time, M/M, Men Crying, Non-Graphic Smut, Season/Series 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:21:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26454067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldfusion9797/pseuds/coldfusion9797
Summary: Tomorrow Dean is going to sacrifice himself to save the world, tonight he is going to spend with Sam.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Series: Pulse [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914787
Comments: 4
Kudos: 147





	Pulse 4

The plan is good, the one to stop Amara. He was on board with it before he found out he had to go all al-Qaeda on her ass, which means just because he found out he'll be collateral damage now, doesn't mean the plan is suddenly a bad one, so he couldn't say no. Not to mention the damn sun is fizzling out, and someone has to do something about it. They're not just saving the world this time, they're saving the whole damn solar system. Who knows, maybe there are aliens on Mars, okay, not Mars, too dry, but maybe one of Saturn's moons or something.

What it means is that he's got one night left, and obviously there is no question about who he wants to spend it with, except Sam didn't come to bed.

He decides to check Sam's room first, even though he won't be there, but it's closest. He pushes the door open to find Sam sitting on his bed, a laptop open in front of him.

"Sammy...?" This really doesn't seem like the best use of their limited time.

"So listen, I've got a lead. A guy murdered in his apartment, doors locked from the inside-"

"Wait, you're looking for a hunt?"

"Yeah," Sam frowns, glancing up quickly, then back at the computer.

"You do realise we're smack-bang in the middle of the biggest hunt ever? Like right now."

"But there's nothing we can do on that until tomorrow..."

Obviously Sam is doing his best to avoid reality right now, it's heartbreaking, seeing this level of desperation and denial, but there's no time left to waste.

"Sammy..."

He's frowning at his computer, like he needs to keep reading, to just keep doing what they do, but his conviction falters, and he looks up at Dean again.

"I just thought after, we could..."

There are tears in his eyes now, so Dean goes to him, getting rid of the laptop and taking its place.

"Sammy, come on. We both know there's no after..." It sucks, really sucks, is the suckiest thing that ever sucked, but it's a fact. He isn't coming back.

Sam looks up at him and lets out a shuddering breath.

"Dean, I can't..."

"Yeah, you can. You've always been the strong one."

Somehow, saying that makes it worse not better.

"Dean..." Sam all but sobs.

"Hey, come on now. I'm not gonna spend my last night on Earth with you blubbering like a girl."

"Okay," Sam sniffs, drying his eyes, trying his best to pull himself together. "What do you wanna do?"

He touches Sam's jaw, looks into his eyes.

"I thought that would be pretty obvious..." Sam's giving him a shining, doe-eyed look and he's gonna make Dean cry too if they don't just get on with this. "I don't wanna die without going all the way with you at least once."

Sam takes a deep breath.

"Okay," he nods. "Okay."

They shed their clothes, and Dean pulls Sam down on top of him.

He wants Sam to be on top of him, and all over him, and inside of him, for him to erase everything else but just the two of them. Except, Sam is kissing him too gently.

"Hey," he says, looking up into Sam's sad face. "I'm not broken, just on the clock. Kiss me like you damn well mean it."

He twists his fingers into Sam's hair and pulls his head down to jam their mouths together. It's awkward at first and hurts a bit when he almost slices his lip on his teeth, but soon enough Sam gets the message, and the kisses turn into something hotter, if a little desperate.

Luckily for them, their bodies aren't as torn up about this as their minds are, so their libidos take over enough to help them take it up a notch.

Sam's above him, rolling his hips, their dicks rubbing between them, but it isn't what he wants. He wants more.

"Inside me, Sammy. Inside me..." he breathes into Sam's mouth.

Sam draws back, gazes down at him.

"Alright. Do I just...? I'm not exactly sure how this... You don't need to use the bathroom or anything?"

"It's all taken care of. I'm already loose and everything." He wanted to make this as straightforward for them as he could, considering the emotional state of them both. It's going to be difficult enough without worrying about Sam learning the ins and outs of how all this works. "You just need some lube."

Even that seems to upset Sam, the fact that he's been thinking ahead and making preparations. Finalising things.

"That's usually a turn on," he says, trying to lighten the mood, but Sam can't even manage a smile and that's when Dean realises this isn't going to be fun or nice, or any of the things it should have been. It's going to be hard, and sad, and hurt like a bitch, same as any other goodbye does.

Sam reaches for what he needs, but his hand is unsteady because he's fighting not to break down, so Dean takes over and slicks him up. It should be sexy, part of foreplay, but there's too much weight on the moment for that. Really, it's miraculous that Sam's even still hard at this point, so they better just get on with it.

"Alright, Sammy," he soothes, laying back and opening his legs. "Don't hold back. This is our one and only chance."

"Dean..."

"Don't mope about it, make the most of it. Please. Just do it."

So Sam does. Climbs over him and fills him up, joins them closer than they've ever been before. Then he just stops, buried deep and stares down at Dean, wonder on his face.

"Oh Dean..."

And Dean does smile then, because this kinda feels like the sum of their whole lives right here. They were meant to make it here together, and it's as fulfilling as he imagined, because ever since he can remember, it's always been Sam that he couldn't live without.

He pulls Sam down into a kiss, one of those slow, deep, deliberate ones that says; 'See? This is how much I love you'.

He feels Sam's hand seeking his, and they lace their fingers together, both squeezing tight, with their mouths locked together and Sam deep inside him, every part of them screaming that this is where they belong.

He gasps as Sam draws out, Sam makes a needy noise in his throat, because yeah, nothing has ever felt quite as intensely good as this. Sam starts thrusting, chasing that feeling over and over, and it's when Sam draws out each time that it really curls his toes.

He clings onto Sam because it's like he's losing himself and Sam is the only thing he has left to hold onto, the only thing he can be certain of.

Sam's breath is hot against his neck, and his strokes aren't quite as deep now, which just means he's hitting the sweet spot more.

He feels that buzz spreading over him, and he comes, the pulse surging through him, and then for a few seconds he's just a quivering mess under Sam.

He recovers his senses in time to witness Sam's face as he comes, eyes screwed shut, lips pressed tight. Then he feels the tension leave Sam's body, but he catches himself, doesn't fall down on Dean, somehow manages to keep himself propped up so they are just staring at each other, breathing hard and wondering if something this amazing can really possibly exist.

There are a million thoughts, all scrambling in different directions, bouncing off each other as they see the various emotions play through each other's eyes. Sam is just kinda dumbstruck at first, then he smiles, but then he remembers why they are here doing this now, and the moment of ecstasy is gone. Dean felt it too, a brief respite in which the two of them and what they feel for each other was all that mattered. But reality is a bitch, and it creeps back in, causing Sam to suck in a shuddering breath, and then he does drop down on top of him, face buried in Dean's neck, hot tears and sobbing breaths searing Dean's skin.

He wraps Sammy up, and speaks gently into his ear.

"Shh, Sammy. Come on. You know I always wanted to go out in a blaze of glory. Be glad for me."

Sam sobs again and shakes his head against Dean's neck, refusing to hear that this is the end.

"Alright then, Sammy. Just breathe," Dean says, because that sounds like something they might both be capable doing of right now. Sam blows out a long, forceful breath, and then they do just breathe, tuning into the feeling of each other's bodies, until they are breathing in sync.

It's nice, comforting, Dean lets his fingers curl into Sam's hair and presses a kiss to his temple.

"That's it, Sam," he soothes, using Sam's preferred version of his name out of respect, to show that he's conscious of how much his brother is sacrificing.

"Maybe I should come with you..." Sam suggests, voice muffled a bit where he's still hiding his face. "Billie can throw us out into the void together."

"Hey," Dean frowns, he won't tolerate those kinds of ideas. "Don't talk like that. Promise me you'll carry on the fight. Saving people, hunting things. Do not give up."

Sam finally lifts his head, so they can see each other's faces. Sam's is puffy and tear-stained, and it reminds Dean that he's supposed to be the big brother here, the one that takes care of Sammy. Well, Sam can't survive if the sun goes out.

"How am I supposed to do that without you?" Sam questions.

Dean doesn't say anything, because there is no good answer, it's not like he wants to die, not anymore, not now that they have this. Instead, he squeezes Sam as tight as he can while he's still got breath to do it.

"We did okay, huh? You and me."

And this time he feels a smile against his skin.

"This part has been the best," Sam confides. "Being allowed to have you."

Dean knows what he means, not just tonight, but giving in and committing one hundred percent, letting themselves see and be seen by each other.

"Yeah," Dean agrees whole-heartedly. "You bet your ass it has."

xxx

"You cool with this?" he asks Chuck one last time, knowing how he has felt himself those times when everything was saying to put Sam down, but he never could.

"No. Even after everything that she's done, Amara is still my sister. She's my family. I can't... I don't want to see her dead. But..."

And in that moment he sees a flicker of hope, that there might be another way out of this after all. He'll take anything, if it means he can stay with Sam.

"Yeah?"

"I understand."

The hope withers.

"Dean?"

He turns to the angel.

"Cass..."

And then Cass is pulling him into a hug.

"Okay. Okay," he says, hugging back. If they all start getting too mushy it's gonna be impossible to leave them all behind. "Alright."

"I could go with you," Cass offers, loyal until the end.

"No, no. No, I gotta do this alone." He can't risk the people he loves ending up as collateral damage too. Besides, Amara would know something was up.

He catches a glimpse of Sam, takes a deep breath to stop himself falling to pieces, and looks back at Cass.

"Listen, if, when, _when_ this works, Sam, he's gonna be a mess, so look out for him. Okay?" It kills him to be leaving Sam behind. "Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

"Of course."

"Thank you for everything," he tells his best friend, giving his shoulder one last squeeze.

He talks some shit about an imaginary funeral because it's easier than facing the truth, but then there is no more delaying the inevitable and it really is time to say goodbye.

He pulls Baby's keys from his pocket, nothing says 'The End' louder than giving her up.

His feet feel like lead as he takes the few steps required to get to Sam.

Yeah, they've been down this road before, said their farewells, but this time Billie has made it very clear there will be no second chances.

Sam's eyes are glassy and Dean doesn't look at them, at Sam, because if he does he's gonna lose it completely.

"Come on. You know the drill."

Sam's shaking his head, trying not to cry. As if this isn't hard enough. If Sam cries now Dean will to, and he can't do that here in front of all these people. He has a job to do and would like to do it with some semblance of dignity.

"No chick flick moments. Come on."

Sam breaks and takes the keys from him, and that's it done, the hardest part.

"Yeah, you love chick flicks," Sam teases, because that is what they do, and despite everything, the pain and grief and impending loss, even manages a smile for him. Dean has never loved him more than he does in that moment. So, to hell with dignity.

"Yeah, you're right. I do," he says, realising it doesn't matter a damn who's watching. All he wants is his Sammy in his arms. "Come here."

Knowing how much Sam was struggling, he worries for a second that Sam is gonna keep his distance, but he can't do this without one last chance to hold him, and then they are in each other's arms, holding on as tight as they ever have.

His head is racing and his heart is set to burst.

_Let go._

_I can't._

_Let go._

_I don't want to._

Then Sam whispers into his ear.

"I'll never love anyone but you."

Dean could argue that Sam should move on, but they've both proved time and again that neither of them is truly capable of that.

"Ditto."

It's not the best reply or what he really wants to say. _You'll never have to..._ But there's still the job to do, so he settles.

He pulls back, rests his hand on Sam's neck, pushing the pad of his thumb into his pulse. He can feel both their heartbeats, together one last time, and it's the last thing he feels, their hearts beating as one, before he's snapped away from Sammy forever.

**Author's Note:**

> That last bit is an extended version of the scene from 11.23. Most of the dialogue is from the show, I just added a bit of gayness at the end 🥰 Also, I have another part for this series ready to go. It's set a couple of episodes into season 12, I'll post it soon. Thanks for reading :)


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